I’m settling into my new job and my new place quite well. I’ve been cooking more regularly and the creative juices have been flowing.
But I’m still hurting…physically and emotionally…
The emotional pain is nothing new. I have felt this pain for a very long time and I have learned to simply live with it. It wears on me every day…all day. It’s a giant cloak that I can’t shake. But it is what it is…
The physical pain is fairly new. I am not sure what it is, but I am hoping to get to see a doctor soon. I have never felt this achy and tired for so long. I hurt from the time I get up until the time I go to bed and even sometimes in my sleep. I have scoured the internet (because that’s always reliable) and while I don’t have an answer, I have a feeling that it’s connected to my depression and anxiety. It feels like all of my emotional pain has nowhere to go, so it’s manifesting itself into physical pain.
I have a new mental health group and I have an appointment with a therapist in a few weeks. I am focusing on the moments that I find enjoyable and shelving the rest until I am back in therapy and able to work thru some of these issues. I’m not putting my head in the sand and pretending the issues don’t exist. Rather, I know that I need to deal with things, but I also know that I need to make sure that I have the appropriate support so that I don’t have a relapse and end up in worse shape.
So I wait…distract myself with shiny objects (and carbs) and keep ahold of the thin thread of sanity I have left…
Giant Curveball 